i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
