I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
