My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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