I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Still dying that you shit outside
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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