His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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