could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
