you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
how drunk are you?
Several
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
