Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
