never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
