He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
