My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
