Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize