he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
