So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
