I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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