Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
