i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
