One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
