You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
