meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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