well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm like, not good at living.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
