just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
