We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize