vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
