sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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