the day after is always just damage control
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
