I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
