He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
