I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
