i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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