I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize