She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
