Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And my parents said I crawled through the house
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
