Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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