mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize