just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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