note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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