So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
