omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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