How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
