my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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