Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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