i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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