so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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