I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
