I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i think im in europe. pls send help
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize