so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
