There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize