I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
