Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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