taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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