You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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