it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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