My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
