My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
