If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
