based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
