I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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