am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
