Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i've created a new STD.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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