I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
