I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can you bring me the toilet please
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize