Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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