Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
