STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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