he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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