can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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