He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
