I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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